Letter #19

Dear patron,
While I realize that you are in here every single day for most of the day, you somehow managed to get a volunteer position here in our building and you definitely know the ropes around this place...

1) Please do not talk over the top of me when I am speaking to another patron. Don't talk over, around, underneath, I don't care what input you have while I am speaking. If you have a useful suggestion or helpful comment, please wait until I am done, then speak up.

2) Because you're in here a lot, I have every reason to believe you know what the rules are, but for some reason there are a handful that seem to go directly over your head. I don't know how this is or why this is, but despite them being written and told to you in plain english (which I know you can speak, if not spell) you cannot grasp them. These rules include but are not limited to the following.
a) Do not yell across the room to get our attention. At best, we will ignore you. At worst, we will get pissed.
b) Do not interrupt staff
c) Do not monopolize a staff person's time. No matter how familiar we are with your enormous, eavesdropping face, we are not going to spend more time with you than others.
d) Simply because we've taken the time to walk you through how to do something, doesn't mean we want to sit and chat about whatever the hell it is you want to print out.
e) We will not do anything for you. If you want someone to do crap for you, hire them. If you want to learn how to do something, go to a library.
f) If I told you not to run because your morning speedwalk (likely the only exercise you get) has turned into a jog, don't drop down to a walk and then tell me you weren't running. I'm not blind, I'm not stupid, and despite all the high-friction jiggling going on there, I know the difference between speedwalking and jogging. You were jogging. If cute little kids aren't allowed to run, certainly you aren't.
g) Do not yell questions at staff from twenty to fifty feet away simply because you're too lazy to get off your ass and walk up to my desk. Sitting there going "HEY. HEY. HEY. HEY CAN YOU HELP ME? HEY. I HAVE A QUESTION. HEY. HEY. PSSSSSSSSSST. HEY. PSSST. PSSST. HEY. HOW DO YOU SPELL THE WORD 'YET'? HEY. PSSSSST," is not going to help your cause.

Try, for one moment, even a minute, remember that staff smiles and chats because we are being paid to give good customer service. We don't give a shit about who you are dating this time, whether he has a prosthetic, or how mean he is. This isn't a counseling session, we aren't therapists. If you would like a number for a hotline, a helpline, or the contact information for one? Absolutely, but unless you're about to fall over in front of our desk, it's not our problem and we don't care.

Sure, most of this is pretty petty. Honestly, it is. One of these issues, we're not going to give a shit about but the very fact that most days a combination of a minimum of 2-3 of these happen means we are going to run out of patience. One of these days, you are going to be yelling me from your computer and I'm going to stand up and you will hear every word in full, scathing voice of t his rant, delivered loud enough for everyone in the building to hear about and if you are lucky? I will only make you cry instead of abbreviating this rant with a hand grenade.

Miss Misanthropy,
Library Assistant