Letter 30

Dear crotchety patron,


While I realize that we may not have many sets of lost headphones, turned in within the last few days, I still need to verify that they are yours.
And when I ask you to describe them I'd really prefer that you not just say "they go around my head" & "You sell them here." when the majority of head phones go around the head and we sell ear-buds.  Don't be a jerk, just cooperate.

You're getting on my nerves,

Ripsy

A Further Dispatch from the Ref Desk

Dear Patron,

A li-brary is "a place in which literary, musical, artistic, or reference materials (as books, manuscripts, recordings, or films) are kept for use but not for sale". We are not the Antiques Roadshow. If you have a reference question I will be happy to do my best to answer it. If you want someone to value the cheaply made black and white German street scene prints in the flimsy cardboard and plastic frames you'll need to go elsewhere. I humored you and searched for all of the names and words in German and found nothing. Standing over me and looking over my shoulder and telling me to click on things is not helping. If you think you know how to do it better I would be happy to get you on a computer. Continuing to stand there waiting when I've told you I can't find anything is not going to make me magically produce an answer. Also, standing that close to my chair so you can micro-manage my searching is a violation of my personal bubble. I will be setting the force field to stun shortly if you do not back away.

Thank you, please leave now
Your Local Library Specialist

Dispatch From the Ref Desk

Dear Patron,

Where should I start? First of all this is a public library, to be used and enjoyed by all members of the public. This includes the meeting room, which is NOT your personal living room. Please do not turn on the TV provided for presentations so that your child can watch TV while you play on facebook. Also, when a librarian is giving a presentation please do NOT feel free to come and go from the back of the room where you've made yourself comfortable. Also, if you have a laptop you really should have a cell phone but if you really must use the library phone to call for a ride please do NOT give the number out like it is your own. If someone calls back for you I will not be taking a message nor will I try to track you down I am a librarian not your social secretary. Lastly, there are children in the library including your own so please PULL YOUR SKIRT DOWN. I really don't want to know what you do or don't wear underneath it and neither does anyone else, well some of the men might but they're really not the sort you want speculating about such things... 

Thank you,
Your Local Library Specialist

Dear toddler patron,

You literally just made my day! No one else has ever applauded me or told me "good job" for fixing the self-check machine.

Thanks a million and one,

Ripsy

Letter 29

Dear Patron,

Next time you feel the need to compliment me please use the correct pronunciation of the word you're saying. Chic is not pronounced chick... just saying.

 me: *enters occupied elevator*
patron: hello young lady, you look chick today.
Me: *eyebrows go up*  uh... thanks?
patron: but then you always look chick.
me: that's probably because I am a girl and you're meaning to say chic... *rushes from elevator as soon as doors open*

yay me! looking chick chick good!

<3's Ripsy

A Letter From the Reference Desk...

Dear Patron,

I can't tell you how much it fills me with joy (because in truth it does just the opposite) every time I see your grumpy disagreeable face. Each time you approach the desk I know it will be with some new complaint about another patron on their cell phone. Please keep in mind that knowing they annoy you is often the only reason I silently cheer each time I see them. As for your question today, the one about your 'fiancee' (I always wondered what she was, but never cared enough to ask) and her email account I suppose it is possible that someone 'changed' her e-mail password. However, since she never took the time to input an alternate e-mail, update her phone number or set up a security question there is no way to recover her password. The library does not offer Gmail. We allow patrons to use our computers to access whatever services they choose to on the Internet, but we are NOT responsible for technical support/user error on what they find there. Yes, I am aware that she checks her e-mail here every single day and if she was stupid enough to save her account login information on a PUBLIC computer it is possible that the account was hacked. Again, as I stated previously this is not my problem. No I cannot magically fix her account if you continue to ask me in different ways. No I will not set up a new account for her (and no her old information will not transfer over to the new account). Finally no, having her library card 'stolen' did not compromise her Gmail account (unless she had the login written on it). Let me get my co-worker to help you, he doesn't [yet] share my aversion to you though I have a feeling he will by the end of the night...

Now please go away,
Your Local Library Specialist

Yet Another Letter from the Reference Desk

Dear Patron,

No, you don't need to fold the corner of your paper down in order to make a copy. Yes, now that you mention it the diagram in the corner does show the corner folded but rest assured you don't need to do the same. Yes, that was a stupid question but don't worry I'll assure you that it wasn't...then share it with all my co-workers.

Thanks for being entertaining (so few people are these days),
Your Local Library Specialist