Dear toddler patron,

You literally just made my day! No one else has ever applauded me or told me "good job" for fixing the self-check machine.

Thanks a million and one,

Ripsy

Letter 29

Dear Patron,

Next time you feel the need to compliment me please use the correct pronunciation of the word you're saying. Chic is not pronounced chick... just saying.

 me: *enters occupied elevator*
patron: hello young lady, you look chick today.
Me: *eyebrows go up*  uh... thanks?
patron: but then you always look chick.
me: that's probably because I am a girl and you're meaning to say chic... *rushes from elevator as soon as doors open*

yay me! looking chick chick good!

<3's Ripsy

A Letter From the Reference Desk...

Dear Patron,

I can't tell you how much it fills me with joy (because in truth it does just the opposite) every time I see your grumpy disagreeable face. Each time you approach the desk I know it will be with some new complaint about another patron on their cell phone. Please keep in mind that knowing they annoy you is often the only reason I silently cheer each time I see them. As for your question today, the one about your 'fiancee' (I always wondered what she was, but never cared enough to ask) and her email account I suppose it is possible that someone 'changed' her e-mail password. However, since she never took the time to input an alternate e-mail, update her phone number or set up a security question there is no way to recover her password. The library does not offer Gmail. We allow patrons to use our computers to access whatever services they choose to on the Internet, but we are NOT responsible for technical support/user error on what they find there. Yes, I am aware that she checks her e-mail here every single day and if she was stupid enough to save her account login information on a PUBLIC computer it is possible that the account was hacked. Again, as I stated previously this is not my problem. No I cannot magically fix her account if you continue to ask me in different ways. No I will not set up a new account for her (and no her old information will not transfer over to the new account). Finally no, having her library card 'stolen' did not compromise her Gmail account (unless she had the login written on it). Let me get my co-worker to help you, he doesn't [yet] share my aversion to you though I have a feeling he will by the end of the night...

Now please go away,
Your Local Library Specialist

Yet Another Letter from the Reference Desk

Dear Patron,

No, you don't need to fold the corner of your paper down in order to make a copy. Yes, now that you mention it the diagram in the corner does show the corner folded but rest assured you don't need to do the same. Yes, that was a stupid question but don't worry I'll assure you that it wasn't...then share it with all my co-workers.

Thanks for being entertaining (so few people are these days),
Your Local Library Specialist

Letter 28

Dear Patron,

I understand that you are upset, what I do not understand is why.  Why is it such a shock to know that people carry on conversations in the library? Why does it surprise you that the noise level is not at a zero. People talk here! In fact YOU are talking right now. Loudly. In front of other patrons.  So, when you come up with a legitimate complaint, like say, yelling in the library, let me know.  I'll give you a little card to fill out.

AND HAVE A NICE DAY!


Ripsy

letter 27

Dear  Green Alien Patron,


I'm really happy that you came up to the desk and told me your alien name, that you were an alien, and that you were here to study my planet!! I loved the robotic *alien* voice. Quite the touch. 
Yes, I am an earthling. Thank you for asking. Three times. As far as I could tell it was obvious that I am not from another planet.

Anyway, that made my evening.

From Earth not just stranded here,

Ripsy

Letter # 26

Dear parent patron,

Your child, whom you are yelling at, is actually behaving better than you ever have. You're such a shining example of how people should never act in public. Please cease and desist any and all parenting.

You've failed,

Ripsy